Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
