Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
