i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
