I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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