Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
