my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
