I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
