Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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