Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
