whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
