he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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