Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
