I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
