the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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