remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
