3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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