I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
