How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
