the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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