he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm like, not good at living.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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