How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
