that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
