Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She is in my trunk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
