Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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