That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
