and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i think i just lost a toe
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