"it" just moved
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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