i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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