i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
