Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
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No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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