ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
