i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
