There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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