I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize