it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
