he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
