The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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