I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
