One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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