i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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