for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
