no, he came in my armpit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
