she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
