life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize