Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
