I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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