I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
