you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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