so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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