Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
