I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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