its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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