i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
