But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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