I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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