so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bring me that man meat
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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