You smell like stripper and shame
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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