I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
