From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
