Plan B is the new Plan A
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize