Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
